Caught between two worlds

Helgi Eyford, Neighbours
Thursday, May 08, 2008

"The biggest challenge for me is to find a belief system. The adults who come from Somalia already have a belief system and a coherent set of core values. The children who are born here or come before adolescence have to balance between two cultures. They have to question what is the right way to do things. Many lose their way."

Who has a harder time adapting to Canada, immigrants or their children? The obvious answer would be immigrants. They are the ones who left their country of origin, sometimes in traumatic circumstances, and managed to navigate the Kafkaesque world of Immigration Canada -- something I am not sure I could do. When they arrive in Canada, they are faced with learning a new language, reinventing themselves professionally, and developing a taste for Tim Horton's coffee -- again, something I am not sure I could do.

But the obvious answer is not always the right answer. My conversations with the children of these remarkable people, second-generation immigrants to Canada, revealed that they have it just as hard as their parents -- but for different reasons. They are often caught between two worlds, two sets of loyalties, and feel they have to betray both if they are to be true to themselves.

I sat down with Amina Hussein, a student at the U of C, who came to Canada from Somalia at the age of four with her parents and siblings.

These second-generation immigrants don't lose their way because their parents are not clear about their expectations or their culture. Every second-generation immigrant that I spoke with described their parents as very strict. While other kids watched TV and talked back to their parents, the children of immigrants did homework and listened to their parents. None were allowed sleepovers.

Chika Ibelo was born in Canada to parents who immigrated from Nigeria. She talked about the discipline in her home.

"My parents were very strict and school was everything. But when I went to school, I could see how other kids related to their parents. My mom focused on school as No. 1, and her way was the only way. My friends' relationship with their parents was different."

Ibelo feels that understanding the differences between cultural worlds is the first step to forging a new identity.

"It is so important to understand the way you are being brought up and to know that there are other people who are being brought up in the same way." She gained this perspective talking with other children in the Nigerian expatriate community.

Forging an authentic identity in Canada is not an easy task, according to Hussein. "It is a journey to find yourself. But it is not obvious when you cannot sense where you belong, and you are making up the rules as you go instead of just following what you are told. You get in trouble when you simply take on one culture or the other. I have friends who tried to be traditional, and they ended up questioning themselves. I have friends who have tried to be mainstream Canadian, and they ended up questioning themselves."

And this journey to find an identity is not easy because, as Hussein explained, "there is the explicit expectation that we uphold the family reputation. It is hard for us to follow our own path when we know that it can harm our family."

This courage to be authentic in the face of expectations to conform to a culture of origin while also being successful in mainstream society is remarkable. It is a courage that will help make Calgary a city worth living in.

Source: Calgary Herald, May 08, 2008